The following are from the Washington Post Style Invitational (a weekly
contest for readers). The idea is to redefine words from the dictionary.

Carcinoma--n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade--v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flabbergasted--adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent--adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph--v., to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle--n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard--n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Nincompoop--n., the military command responsible for battlefield
sanitation.

Coffee--n., a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence--n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash--n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Mausoleum--n., floor covering used in crypts. Attractive from the top &
bottom.

Testicle--n., a humorous question to an exam.

Semantics--n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the
priesthood, including such things as gluing together the pages of the
parson's prayerbook just before Vespers.

Rectitude--n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist

Macadam--n., the first man on Earth, according to the Celtic bible.

Oyster--n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
expressions.

Circumvent--n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.